i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
