The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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