chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm passing your future prison.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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