it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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