It's just like the Real World with babies
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
