He disabled his match.com account in front of me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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