Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
