just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
