I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
