Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
