I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i've created a new STD.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
