your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
