Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
