so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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