So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
