Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
