Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
bring money and cleavage
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
