I want to make a zoo with you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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