soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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