I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
