did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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