My liver just broke up with me...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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