My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
