But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
