I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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