When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
