now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
