speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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