i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You are a genius and a whore.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
