Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
