im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
