i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
