It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
