I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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