Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
