honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
