If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
