haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
