Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
