I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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