Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
