whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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