i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
