I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
