So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
