So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
