I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
