hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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