Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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