I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
