I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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