I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
