I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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