I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
