gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm passing your future prison.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
